Ok here goes total randomness about me. I have six hand made dreamcatchers over my bed, two orbs, and a burst. I have two scrying balls, also over my bed, kept company by polar bears and dinosaurs. I'm incredibly ugly, and this perception stems from how I never seem to be good enough for anybody. I love my indigo vases full of lavender, and I want an Ecosphere for my birthday (in roughly about two weeks). I used to be a huge child prodigy (college at 12, Cambridge University England at 15 etc etc etc), then I got a brain disease and that knocked me down several pegs. I'm clairvoyant, no I didn't magically get this from toxic waste, I remember having this since age 3. I like to write, and do art, but I'm never happy with it. I pretend to be things I'm not a lot. For example I still pretend I'm smart, but I'm hella bs-ing half the time.

I have a long strand of Tibetan prayer flags hanging in my window. Perpetual motion machines can probably hold my fascination for 30 seconds. There's a flock of multi-colored paper cranes that fly above my bed. I have sleep apnea and I get to wear a friggin elephant mask to bed every night (so sexy huh?). I'm starting guitar lessons again on Saturday. When I finally accomplish my dream of writing a song I will YouTube it and give you a link. I feel held back a lot. Mostly by myself, there's something inside me that is afraid to succeed too much in case I get knocked down again.

I am actually scared to be a beautiful girl, I'm glad I'm not one.

I secretly wish I could plastic surgery or liposuction, or whatever, just so I don't have to look like me anymore.

I started a "vision board" this year, and I've accomplished about half of the things on there so far. My birthday is coming up, and I'm waffling back and forth between over-doing the festivities and feeling like there really isn't anything to celebrate. I totally am head over heels for this guy, but it would never work out, and even still it kills me that I'll never tell him. I have a black belt, I can kick butt. However, I don't go around starting fights, I just feel a little better about protecting myself should the need arise.

I used to have super long hair down to my waist, and then I got a bug up my butt one day and chopped it all off. Now I'm trying desperately to grow it back out.

`Rachel